Author says women in Beijing still have difficulties finding ways to balance their work and family life, Liu Yujie reports.
作者称,北京的女人仍然在平衡家庭生活的工作之间存在困难.( 刘宇杰报导)
Tuesday is International Women's Day, an occassion to celebrate 101 years of women's achievements and the struggle for greater equality and real choices. But what do women in China want today?
星期二是国际妇女节----是庆祝女性的成绩及争取更大的平等及真实的选择的第101年
Which might perhaps be not that far from the truth.
这可能距离真相并不远。
"Women's feelings of happiness are more closely related to being loved than men," said Li Lingyao, best-selling author of To Be Mature is More Important Than being Successful for Women.
畅销书《成熟比女性获得成功更重要》的作者李宁饶说：女性的幸福感与男人比，更多的与被爱密切相关。
Li has been giving lectures on women's issues to MBA and EMBA students at Peking University for the past five years and said her female students are "more likely to be plagued by problems in love and marriage".
李在过去的5年中一直给北京大学的MBA及EMBA学生进行女性问题的讲座，她说她的女性学生更容易被爱情和婚姻问题所困扰。
She said that the psychology of the two sexes is different and that the personal realm is much more important for women than men.
她说两性的心理是不同的 对女人而言，个人领域更重要。
"The two sexes are born with different roles to play in a relationship. Men are like fire, while women are like water. The former needs to be respected and admired, while the latter needs to be loved and protected."
两性天生在关系中扮演着不同的角色。男人像火，女人像水。前者需要尊重和崇拜，后者需要被爱和保护。
A survey done by a group of US scientists lends support to Li's argument. When 400 men and 400 women were asked to choose between being unloved but respected, or loved rather than respected, 300 men said they would rather be respected while almost all the women said they would prefer to be loved.
一美国科学家团队所做的调查支持了李的观点。400个男人和400个女人被问在不被爱而被尊重，和被爱而不被尊重之间做选择。300个男人称，他们更愿意选择被尊重，而所有的女性更喜欢被爱。
Li said that for women to be happy they should establish different priorities at different stages in their lives, such as studying, working, being in love, getting married, having children, retirement and so on.
李说，对女性幸福而言，在其生命中不同的阶段有不同的优先权，比如学习，工作，被爱，结婚，有孩子，退休等等。
"If you want to put big stones, small stones and sand in a bottle, you have to put in the big stones first, then the small ones, and then last of all the sand. If you don't do it in this order, you won't get them all in the bottle. Life is the same; there are priorities. Don't say you forgot to have children when you are no longer able to, and don't say I regret wasting study time when I was young and now I've accomplished nothing."
如果你想要把大石头，小石头和沙子放进一个瓶子，你应该先放大石头，然后是小石头，最后是所有的沙子。如果你不按照这个次序，你就无法都放进这个瓶子里。生活也是一样的，是有优先的。不要当你不能要孩子的时候说你忘记要孩子，不要说我遗憾当我年青时浪费了学习时间，而现在我没有成功。
She said that many Chinese women who have successful careers fail in their marriages because they are too accustomed to being superior and giving orders and they find it difficult to change roles in the home and become the traditional tender wife who respects her husband and is a loving mother.
她说，许多在职场中成功的女性在其婚姻中都失败了，因为他们太习惯于做领导和发号示令，他们发现其很困难，在家庭中转变角色，变成传统的尊重丈夫的温柔的妻子及慈母。
"Clever women are good at showing their weakness in front of their husbands, as no marriage can contain two fires."
聪明的妻子善于在她们的丈夫面前示弱， 没有家庭能容下两团火。
But Li does not encourage women who think their marriage has failed to get a divorce, as it is much harder for a divorced woman to find a new partner than it is for a man.
但是李不鼓励那些觉得她们的婚姻失败的女人离婚，因为对一个离婚的女人而言，找一个新伴侣比男人要难得多。
She refers to another survey done in Beijing several years ago, which tracked 110 couples that divorced and found that in the following three years, more than 70 men get married again, but only seven women managed to do so.
她引用了许多年前在北京的另一项调查，追踪了110对离婚的夫妻，并跟踪了三年，超过了70个男人再婚，但是只有7个女性再婚。
"Statistically speaking, divorced women with children find it far more difficult to get married a second time. I think that's because most men do not like a socially complicated woman. Therefore women should be careful about divorce," Li said.
李说，统计学上说，离婚带孩子的女性发现其非常困难第二次结婚。我想这是因为大多数男性不喜欢社会关系复杂的女性。因此女性应该警惕离婚。
"You feel happy when you are needed by someone, and you know you can do something valuable for them."
当你被别人需要时，你会感到幸福，你知道你能为他们做些有价值的事。
Living abroad for years, Li also has lots of insights into cross-cultural differences and said a dual-cultural background can offer the best traits from both the East and the West.
在国外生活了多年，李对不同文化的区别有深刻的洞察，称双重文化的背景可以提供来自东西方最好的特性。
"I noticed with my daughters' girlfriends. Her American friends are more open, optimistic and vivacious, but they are sometimes too self-centered. Those born in the US but with Chinese cultural backgrounds are more internalized and think more about others."
我注意到我女儿的女朋友们，她的美国朋友更开发，乐观，活泼，但是她们有时太自我中心。那些生在美国但是有中国文化背景的更内向并考虑别人多一些。
Li concludes that for a woman to be happy in the Chinese social context she needs to have a job that provides social benefits and be a considerate wife who sincerely appreciates her husband, a loving mother who takes good care of her children and lets them develop their own potential, and a filial daughter to her parents and parents-in-law.
李对一个女性在中国社会背景下幸福的结论是：她需要有一份提供社会福利的工作，温和的妻子并真诚的欣赏 她的丈夫，一个慈爱的母亲，给她的孩子良好的照顾，使其发挥他们的潜能，对自己父母及公婆是一个孝顺的女儿。
"Life is like a circle, which takes a lot of people and things to complete, like your personal interests and hobbies, your career, your family and friends, spiritual growth, and so on. A happy life must be rich in all of these."
生活就像一个圈，是由许多人和事组成，像你个人的兴趣和爱好，你的职业，你的家庭和朋友，心灵成长等等。我幸福的生活必须在所有方面都是丰富的。
(China Daily 03/08/2011
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